From the mouth of the Master...

Dominance and submission, in spite of its growing popularity, is still very much misunderstood by the public at large.

When the average person thinks of Dominance and submission, they think of whips, chains, handcuffs, ropes, paddles and other "tools" of the trade. Yet that is not truly what Dominance and submission is about. On its simplest level, a D/s relationship, is a love relationship. The difference is how that love is expressed.

To start with, let me define D/s. A D/s relationship is a relationship between two individuals, where one is in power a good portion of the time, and this power is acknowledged by both partners. A hundred years ago, a strict husband and an obedient, servile wife was certainly more commonplace than today. In the interim, many sociological changes have taken place, giving women a chance at careers and equality that would have seemed ridiculous a century ago. Yet what woman doesn’t want to be swept off her feet by a strong man, carried to bed and taken forcefully, passionately. Not to say unwillingly. But to be taken by a man and made his, even for a short period of time, is something most women dream about. It’s why bodice rippers have ripped bodices. It’s why so many women are attracted to "bad boys" and powerful men. Sensitive guys might be good to marry, but they don’t always get the girl.

The first thing that must be stated is that a D/s relationship is consensual. Both parties know precisely what they’re getting into up front. In fact, most Masters and slaves (or Doms and subs), the more knowledgeable ones at least, will talk up front about what they expect from the relationship. What turns them on. What makes them feel good. What scares them. What limitations they might have in sexual play. What physical or emotional conditions might affect the relationship. Essentially, everything and anything that might come into play is discussed before a commitment, usually in the form of a collar, is offered.

This communication, important in all types of relationships, is particularly important in D/s, since the range of what people want and expect, and what is permissible in a D/s relationship, is far more varied than in a normal (or what we call vanilla) relationship. Think about it.
In a more standard relationship, you need to know what your partner likes to eat, if he likes you to wear makeup, or if he likes to go to movies or watch football. In a D/s relationship, you need to know if you’re partner is willing to be whipped, or just tied up. Does she want to be locked in a cage? Does she like pain? Not all slaves do.

My wife dana, who is my slave, doesn’t like pain. Not real pain, even if she does like being spanked with a belt. The trick is to find someone whose wants and desires are compatible with your own. And, as already pointed out, those wants and desires vary greatly.

In the D/s relationship, the slave or submissive offers her mind and body as a gift to a Master. The slave offers herself to the Master, who accepts the gift of her body and will, in exchange for the responsibility of taking care of her. Training her. Guiding her. Protecting her. Loving her.

I’d like to point out that, even though I use the female pronoun for a slave and male for a Master, that is not always the case. There are male slaves and female Mistresses or even gay and lesbian pairings. My choice of pronouns is used because it’s what I’m comfortable with. There is no other statement implied by my choice of words.
Now I’m into psychological domination and sexual combat. This is very different from the standard D/s relationship most have come to expect and it’s the sort of thing I write about in my fiction.

Psychological domination, in my mind at least, shows something not implied by physical domination. Once I tie a woman to a bed, she’s in my power. There’s no trick to that. She can fight all she wants, but if I’ve tied her, she’s going nowhere. I was a boy scout for twenty years. I know my knots.

On the other hand, if I place a slave’s hands on the bed post, and tell her not to move them at all, and she remains in that position while I seduce her slowly with my tongue and fingers... THAT’S power. That proves something to me.

Yet I also expect a bit of a fight and willfulness from my slave. If I wanted a doormat, I’d go to Kmart. I don’t. I want a woman that has some fight in her. Dominating a woman when she is trying not to submit, is what turns ME on. I want to take her, consensually, but she doesn’t want to give herself up to me, she wants to be dominated. So she fights. And I have to be strong enough to bend her to my will.
I’m not speaking here of physical strength, but of something deeper and more compelling. Sheer emotional force. And while I’m trying to take her, she’s trying to beat me at my own game, trying to take control of me. Sometimes it’s something as simple as seeing who can get the other to lose control first. Usually I win, but not always. Sometimes there’s a bit more role-playing to it. But afterwards, when the sex is done, I always say, "Master loves you."

My wife always says "dana loves her Master."

Every time. Most of the time we fall asleep in each others arms. I hold her gently and reassure her, particularly if the game we’d been playing was rough. I bring her down gently, back to the real world and out of whatever fantasy she’d been living.

I am a firm believer that sex is 90% mental. So I go out of my way to stimulate that portion of my slave’s brain, so she can experience different things. In our fantasies, she can be with multiple partners, do things she’d never consider in real life, let herself go completely and do it in complete safety. That’s very important as well.

In the end, I want my slave to be happy, as she wants me to be happy. She trusts me implicitly. Enough to trust me with tying her up, or spanking her, or even playing at a rape fantasy (something she absolutely loves). And she can get lost in it, and really "believe" it for the time it’s going on, because she trusts me not to hurt her. And I would never betray that trust.

What can be said in the end? I love my slave and she loves me. How we express that love is something we both take great joy in.

Dominance and submission. Sexual combat.

Just another manifestation of physical love.

From the lips of the slave...

I am my Master’s slave. I gave myself to Him willingly, to be owned, to be His property.

Why did I do this? Because I love Him and trust Him completely. In Him I found someone who was aware of and understood my deepest needs, who loved and cared for me.

I have known since my late teens, there was a need deep within myself, not only to be tied up, spanked and taken, but to have a man who was stronger than I, who could control me. Not that I consciously admitted, what seemed to me to be, aberrant behavior.

When Master and I first met online, I had been divorced 12 years, wasn't looking for a relationship and most certainly didn't believe I could ever submit to any man or become his slave. I was, and am, a strong, independent woman. But willing slave is what I’ve become.
It was few days after I had discovered some of His writings on the web that we met in a chat room. It was rather coincidental. Master Nage was with His slaves and I was there with my then partner, whom I had also met online. I had been interested in BDSM, but had stayed away from it because in some ways it scared me, though Master Nage certainly fascinated me. I was drawn to Him. His writings. His humour. His presence.

Afterwards He sought me out. Master Nage is a powerful, complex, intelligent man, who intrigued me. He challenged my mind. Master Nage directed me to read a lot more about D/s on the web and we also had many long and considered discussions. It was so easy to open up to this new wonderful person on the other side of the screen. To find myself saying things I had never admitted to anyone else. To hear and have acknowledged what it was I had kept secret most of my adult life. To be able to ask questions and find answers.
Afterwards, we continued chatting, flirting and bonding. I left the person I had been with, because I realised this person would never be able to fulfill me in the way I now knew I needed to be fulfilled. I needed to spend more time with Master.

I was calling Him Master at this point, even though he hadn’t acknowledged me as His slave. Master engaged me in the fight, then took control. I willingly surrendered and was set free in that surrender. It didn't matter that He had other slaves. It was like unlocking the forbidden door and finding all the happiness one could wish for behind it.

Yes, funny as it may sound, I was set free the moment He accepted my submission. And I was in love with Him. I found I not only wanted to spend more time online with Him, but that I wanted to serve Him in anyway I could. Master felt as strongly as I. It was time to find out if what we felt online could translate into real life. Could I serve my Master as well in person? Could I really be a slave?

Master left the USA on the 3rd of January and landed here, in Australia, on the 5th. From the moment of our meeting, I knew we were right for each other. I have the best relationship I never expected to find. Master and I married on the 26 March and we grow closer each day.

My service to Master is the least I can offer Him for He is the only man able to bring about these feelings in me. Feelings I never dreamed could exist. For though I had long fantasized about being taken by a powerful man, I couldn’t have possibly imagined the depth and strength of my emotions or the sheer exhilaration that comes from being dominated.

I am the happiest I have ever been, totally owned and completely free.
dana, her Master’s slave.

© Master Nage - November 9, 2003 Issue of the Just Erotic Romance Review Newsletter

Master Nage has been practicing D/s since 1992 and has owned a number of slaves. He currently lives in Hobart, Tasmania with dana, who has been collared for more than a year. He and dana invite all questions, personal or of a more general nature, about any aspect of D/s or BDSM. You can e-mail him at nage@dream-sequence.net or visit his web page at http://www.nage.dream-sequence.net . You can reach dana at dana@dream-sequence.net.

Look for Master Nage’s first book, SCORCH available 11/15 from eXtasy books www.extasybooks.com In his own words “it's not a STANDARD romance, at least it doesn't start as one, but a strong romantic thread does develop. I usually say, jokingly, it deteriorates into a romance. hahahaha. Just not a standard one.”

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