Just Erotic Romance Reviews

Have you ever imagined yourself in the throws of passion with that utterly gorgeous man at work? Or maybe you dream about being tied up and sexually dominated. The variety of women’s sexual fantasies is limitless, but one thing is clear. We all fantasize, and it is a completely normal and healthy part of our sexuality. We also spend a lot of time doing it. If we aren’t creating our own fantasies, we’re reading about someone else’s. The romance novel industry, an industry devoted to women’s romantic fantasies, is huge. But there’s been an explosion in the popularity of erotic romance novels, books with a much greater emphasis on women’s sexual fantasies.

So why do women fantasize sexually? Speaking very generally, women fantasize because it helps them in some way. For some women, fantasizing is a way to meet their need for sexual fulfillment when they are not in a sexual relationship. Others may use fantasies to fill a void in an otherwise satisfying relationship. In both of these situations, the fantasies are used as a substitute for something that is lacking in their sex life. Women also fantasize to enhance their sex life. Fantasizing may help a woman to become aroused during foreplay or help her to climax more quickly during intercourse. Fantasizing is also a way for a woman to explore a sexual act that excites her, whether it is an act she wants to actually pursue or not. Just because you fantasize about something doesn’t mean you actually want to do it. A sexual fantasy may even be as simple as a daydream, a way to pass the time or relive a special memory. Oleta fantasizes because “pleasure is very powerful. The subconscious remembers the things that bring us pleasure, books, music, etc. It takes those things and makes dreams of them.” There are, of course, many other reasons why women fantasize. These are simply a few of the more obvious ones.

With all of the positive outcomes from sexual fantasizing, one may be tempted to act out all of those fantasies. Many people assume that if a fantasy represents a sexual activity they secretly desire, they should pursue that desire. While some fantasies may be lived out with relative ease and enjoyment, some are probably best left to the imagination. Exploring bondage with your husband may bring new excitement and eroticism to your relationship. If it doesn’t live up to the fantasy, there is no real harm done, other than losing the allure of that particular fantasy. If you dream about being pleasured by two men at once, a common female fantasy, you should think very seriously before you decide to proceed. Every detail of a fantasy is controlled by you, from the actions of others to the attractiveness of your lover. You have no way of knowing how your current partner may respond to your suggestion. Reality doesn’t always cooperate with the ideals of a fantasy, and you may end up damaging an otherwise healthy relationship.

As I stated earlier, women’s sexual fantasies are as varied as women in general. What turns on one woman does nothing for another. There are, however, several sexual fantasies that many women share. I can’t discuss them all, but I would like to talk about a few of the most common, yet misunderstood women’s sexual fantasies. While it may seem abhorrent to you, many women fantasize about being raped, or forced into having sex. Now, no woman I have ever talked to actually wants to be raped. End of discussion. We control every detail of our own fantasies, and a rape fantasy allows a woman to imagine herself doing things she desires, yet would never allow herself to perform. By being forced into the act, she has placed both the responsibility for and the guilt from the act on the assailant. Since the woman controls the fantasy, nothing happens that she doesn’t find erotic. Rape fantasies are very similar to submission fantasies. The woman is no longer in control, willingly or not, and is no longer responsible for the guilt involved in enjoying what she may consider a depraved act. I asked Jaid Black, author of Politically Incorrect: Tale 1: Stalked why she decided to write a book that involves a rape fantasy. “It’s a situation I’ve always wanted to explore in my writing as I think it’s a very common female fantasy…and I am an adamant believer that women should embrace their fantasies and sexuality rather than feel dirtied by them.” Jaid told me she wanted “to provide a safe method (reading) for women to vicariously live out their sexual fantasies, which includes the fantasies (like rape) they wouldn’t want to happen in real life.”

Another popular, yet misunderstood female sexual fantasy involves being with another woman sexually. Having this fantasy, and many women have it, does not mean you are a lesbian. Rather than desiring an intimate relationship with another female, a woman who has this fantasy is more than likely craving the tender, loving emotions from a partner that some men, not all men, are less likely to exhibit. Who knows better what a woman desires than another woman? It is also possible that what turns you on is performing a forbidden sexual act, not the act itself, and this fantasy would definitely meet that criteria for many women. Interestingly enough, watching two women together is one of the most popular, if not the most popular, male fantasies. Annie Windsor explores this common female fantasy in The Sailmaster’s Woman and The Sailkeeper’s Bride. Annie told me she “wanted a place where women’s sexuality was as respected and endorsed as men’s, where women were free to pursue their desires with no stigma or guilt.” Annie feels this fantasy “stems from women beginning to feel no shame about their bodies and fantasies.”

Many women have fantasies of being pleasured by two men. Gail fantasizes about being with more than one man. For her the fantasy is about “the multiple sensations of many hands and all your erogenous zones being stimulated at the same time.” While some partners may take this as an invitation to invite a third party into the bedroom, most women probably don’t want to actually be shared. Gail stated that this fantasy is “something almost unattainable, the forbidden if you like.” For many women this fantasy is simply a way to experience a sexual act that excites them without consequences. These fantasies are about deriving the pleasure of the sexual act without taking the chance of the damaging side effects that the act may bring. Many female sexual fantasies fit into this category from performing for an audience to having an affair with your very sexy boss. Some women may want the actual experience, but most are probably only interested in the fantasy.

What about men? Men fantasize just as much, if not more than women, and men’s fantasies are remarkably similar to women’s fantasies. But where women’s fantasies are complex and involve romance, men’s sexual fantasies generally get right to the sexual act. Men are much more visual than women and don’t typically fantasize about romance. Their fantasies are about sex, not relationships. That’s why porn appeals much more to men than women. Women’s sexual fantasies usually involve a relationship of some kind. It’s much more of an emotional experience for women. This explains why erotic romance, which encompasses both sex and romance, is considered a female market and is focused on women’s sexual fantasies.

Sexual fantasies should be embraced as a normal and healthy part of our sexuality. In the words of Annie Windsor, having a sexual fantasy “is a way of saying I’m here, I’m real, and what I want is beautiful.”

If you would like to learn more about women’s sexual fantasies I recommend My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday and Private Thoughts by Wendy Maltz and Suzie Boss.

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