Few subjects in recent memory have caused as much interest for me as this subject. Please realize that until about three years ago I had no idea what BDSM was. As my husband has often told me in many ways I am quite sexually naïve. I have been a fan of romances since I read my first Kathleen E Woodiwiss book The Flame and the Flower. I have read all her books since. I had not read any other romance authors but Ms Woodiwiss, until we moved to a very rural area about three years ago. In need of ways to entertain myself, I turned to reading. But. I wanted something that had more romance and sex than any of the latter had. So I began searching the Internet for books similar to Ms. Woodiwiss, such as Stephanie Laurens, Julia Quinn, Lisa Kleypas and Christine Feehan.

Through the Internet bookstores I began doing searches for books with similar content to Lauren’s Bar Cynster Series and Feehan’s Dark series. Then I discovered the Secrets and Fascinated Anthologies. Bertrice Small’s story Mastering Lady Lucinda from Fascinated really intrigued and excited me, as did Ivy Landon’s The Proposal ; Emma Holly’s The Love Slave ; Angela Knight’s A Candidate for the Kiss ; and Ann Jacob’s The Barbarian . Again a search of similar subjects pulled up the subject of Erotica. I read the Marketplace series by Laura Antoniou and the Beauty series by Anne Rice, but again these are extreme and show very little of the compassion, love, and caring that I was searching for.

I eventually found Ellora’s Cave were I found the Power Exchange by Madeline O, The Switch by Diane Whiteside, and Holding the Cards by Joey Hill. Now these were more along the lines of what I was looking for. I have continued to search for other sources of similar books but continue to be disappointed. I am not the only one in this regard. Other readers have expressed the same feelings, as I found out when I posted questions on this subject on several of the bulletin boards on the web.

Most of the female readers are looking for that strong alpha male that is will tie us down, use a blindfold and spank us or just be the dominate male of our dreams. We also want the heroine to enjoy what she is experiencing and for the relationship to be consensual. There should be no humiliation, or degradation and the word slave is not popular either. I think that Joey Hill’s comments explain very well why we read these stories: “Our reading tastes often don't reflect what is politically correct in society. When we pick up a genre book, we are picking up something that we feel will entertain us or engage us, emotionally and physically.”

What attracts other readers and myself to D/s is the idea of losing control to someone who is capable of bringing us, as a submissive, to the heights of sexual satisfaction. That in the arms of these men we no longer have to worry about satisfying our partners because they will see to their own satisfaction as well as ours.

When I ask authors why they wrote these stories, did they write to please their readers or did the genre fascinate and excite them, their answers were very much the same. I also asked them if they would act on the fascination. Lora Leigh, whose Surrender is one of my favorite D/s – bondage books will be releasing the sequel, Submission in August and the next in the August Men series Heather’s Gift as early as July. She states: “I write it for myself and for my readers. Light bondage is very exciting. The playfulness and the extreme pleasure are very arousing. The lighter bondage, the more playful adventures very much excite me. The more extreme stuff, I can't go there. I'm not into pain, not real pain. I couldn't handle that.

Cheyenne McCray who has written about bondage in several of her current books and is about to start a series called the Bondage Kings responded on her bulletin board. She said before she started writing for Ellora’s Cave she didn’t know much about BDSM, but she did like a little bit of fantasy bondage and submission. The more romantica that she has written, the more she has found herself really intrigued by the fantasy elements of BDSM. She also said that as long as it is done in a consensual, non-humiliating, fun and erotic way, she found it very exciting, very arousing. Finally she added that she could only write what she enjoyed. “If I’m not in love with the characters and the genre then I can’t write the story.”

Jaid Black from her bulletin board said that the subject of bondage intrigues her on a person level and that art, as they say, imitates life. “I’m not hardcore into the BDSM scene so therefore I don’t really have much desire to write about it. I like bondage scenarios that fit what is happening between two characters and which is used to show how the alpha male will never let his female get away from him. I don’t get into writing about leather and whips and toys, just about the act of a man dominating a woman with all the trappings of the BDSM scene as it exists today.”

Sahara Kelly tells us, “I write because the whole process gives me great pleasure. I love my characters, love seeing them come to life on the page, love watching what they're going to do next, and LOVE it when they surprise me. I can't say I write for either them, or me, just that I write from the heart and hope it touches theirs. And all my stories excite me. Turning to the subject of BDSM, yes, I was fascinated by it. Not as a practitioner of the lifestyle, but as a person who is endlessly curious about what makes people tick, especially sexually, now that I'm writing romanticas. I found that to be submissive was to surrender control to someone else, and I began to understand some of the freedoms that such an act can offer. Would I try it? Probably not. But sexual submission - well, it's not much different to that bodice-ripping romance where the pirate hero captures the struggling heroine and seduces her into his arms and his bed. She surrenders. Handcuffs may not be involved, but the emotions certainly are. And I would guess that most of us have dreamed of being carried off by a handsome pirate/knight/starship captain/whatever at one time or another and being made to surrender to his desires. Which, of course, happen to match ours.... great sex.”

Joey Hill, who will have a short story in the anthology Enchained which will be out in August, and has also written Holding the Cards and Make Her Dreams Come True, provided the following: “I've been delighted with the response to Make Her Dreams Come True and Holding the Cards, both from reviewers and readers. However, if what you're asking is whether or not I determine what to write based on what the market wants, the answer is no. I write this genre because I love writing it, just as much as I love writing in the contemporary/epic fantasy genre. Does the D/s subject intrigue and excite me? Absolutely. Would I participate in this type of fantasy, with a man I love and trust – willingly, eagerly, and happily. Fortunately, I have one, my wonderful husband. He's more of a beta than an alpha wolf, but he's willing to make the sacrifices for my research (grin). I don't think you can write D/s erotica well unless you understand it. Our sexual preferences are very much like our choice of religious path. It's not about the symbols, but what's underneath those symbols, driving our devotion.”

I was unable to get any responses from Sir Julian in time for my deadline; his biography on Ellora’s Cave does say that he is a lifestyle dominant so his writing is from experience. He answers the questions on his website, if you are interested in the answers www.sirjulian.bravepages.com

As an aspiring author who is working on her first book, I have to agree with the responses of most of the authors. If the subject does not excite and fascinate me I wouldn’t be able to write about. Would I participate in this type of relationship? Yes.

These types of relationships also offer the freedom to break away from the inhibitions and mores that society has burdened us with. We are told from time we are young enough to understand that sex is wrong, that we are not to enjoy it. As we grow older we let those lessons control our responses to the pleasure our partners may try to provide. Too many of us have had at least one man damage our confidence inhibiting the pleasure we are capable of feeling. So we read about how the heroines of these books, that may have some of the same problems we have, achieve immense sexual satisfaction. Joey Hill and Sir Julian both use the healing abilities of this type of relationship in their books.

Most of us will never have the type of relationship that is found in these books. Society has told men for years that to be dominate is wrong and that causing any pain is abuse. Not all pain is abuse and dominance is not being domineering. There is a difference even though popular culture doesn’t want to see it. Most of the non-fiction BDSM books and better websites will tell you that a women’s climax is as much in the mind as in the body. She must surrender control mentally as well as physically to achieve true satisfaction.

Recently the BDSM scene has begun to experience some popularity in the mass media. Do a search on the Internet and you will find thousands of sites and numerous publishers for this genre. Most are not worth the time it takes to down load the home page. They are violent, humiliating and degrading. This is probably why society as a whole still frowns on this type of behavior. There are, however, a few sites that have some value. Jaid Black has some links on her site, www.jaidblack.com, that are very informative, i.e. Master A’s Dungeon and, www.alt.com, as does Sir Julian’s site, www.sirjulian.bravepages.com. Also Sir Julian’s site has lots of wonderful information about this subject. Remember there are people out there that are living this type of lifestyle, they are very happy and have deeply caring and loving relationships, based on trust and communication.

So for the majority of us the only way that we will ever experience the pleasure/pain of a dominant relationship is to read about it. For those of you lucky enough to be married to or in a relationship with someone who is open to this idea the question becomes: Should you allow society to dictate what is right or wrong as far as your relationship is concerned? The answer is no, as long as you discuss your needs with your partner and they have no hang ups fulfilling those needs no one else need know. Sahara Kelly’s comments about this type of relationship come to mind, she had been talking about the pirate captain seducing his captive making her surrender to his desires. “Is the D/s relationship fundamentally any different? Not by much. As long as love and trust are present, then what goes on in the bedroom between two people, always remembering the Safe, Sane and Consensual rule, is part and parcel of their relationship. And it makes a heck of a good basis for a romantica tale, too.” The key is safe, sane and consensual. This is what the non-fiction books talk about when discussing what should constitute a good BDSM relationship. If it excites both of you then find a reference book or a dependable site on the Internet such as, www.bondage.com, and research what will be needed and how to do it safely. Then by all means go for it.

The following are some suggested reading on the subject: The Loving Dominant by John Warren, Ph.D.; Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller, Molly Devon, and William A Granzig; and The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers, by Margo Anand.

Visit these great author’s websites for more information on them and their work, www.loraleigh.com , www.saharakelly.com, www.cheyennemccray.com and www.storywitch.com

© Oleta Blaylock - July 20, 2003 Issue of the Just Erotic Romance Review Newsletter

Back to Articles