Just Erotic Romance Reviews

A Virgin's Experience at RT

Diary Excerpt
April 25, 2005

OH MY GAWD. I leave for RT tomorrow! Do I have everything? My registration? My flight details? Money? What about costumes? I think I will do the black thing - black to all parties. It is elegant and sophisticated, and will hide the fact that I am as clumsy as anything. Any spills will be invisible. Will anyone appreciate my sarcastic sense of humor? Maybe I can bribe people to take pity on this poor little Brit that speaks with a funny accent. Oh no...accents! Will I be able to understand them all? I know...I will bribe them with chocolate. I will take lots of English chocolate and bribe everyone to be nice to me.

OK - finish packing and check that money, credit card and tickets are there. Oh yes - my passport might be a good thing too!
End Diary Excerpt

So begins the mammoth task of packing and deciding do I really want to take all that stuff? After a 7-hour flight from the UK, I then caught a smaller plane to St Louis. It was not quite the smallest plane I have been on, but it is close. Then the flight attendant tells us to move towards the back of the plane because it is nose heavy and we need to balance it out. Luckily the flight was uneventful and my luggage arrived, safe and sound.

I am sure that the shuttle driver had a death wish or was looking to get a new shuttle. That damn virtual break pedal in front of my seat did not work. I was convinced that I was going to end up in a wreck or at least a fender-bender, but I was wrong. I arrived at the hotel, and almost kissed the floor as I clambered out of the shuttle. As it was now 2.45 pm, I decided to chance my luck and try to check in. Luckily my room was ready, so upstairs I went, wondering if either of my roommates would be there. No, it was empty, so I commenced unpacking. Thank goodness I brought a book bag. It turned out to be excellent for storing all my bribes (i.e. chocolates).

Then the door opened and in walked my roommate and some of my on-line friends. The really amazing thing was how we all felt as though we had known each other for years. No awkwardness, no pregnant pauses where we didn't know what to say. The conversation flowed as though we had been friends forever.

After a few days sightseeing (we had to go up the famous St Louis Arch) and visiting a jazz club, Tuesday dawned. The hotel had gradually been filling up and the air of anticipation was growing. We were all ready for RT to begin. My second roommate arrived and the room was getting to be a bit cramped. 3 women with 6 suitcases between us, made for an interesting maze getting to and from the door.

Our unofficial meeting place was the bar. Tuesday evening, the bar was rocking. Luckily my roommates had met a number of people before RT and so could introduce this nervous little person to some of the celebrities. Luckily I had my secret weapon, chocolate from England - as someone said 'the proper stuff'. Firstly was the introduction to Jaci and C.J. Burton. Now my education started - in how to speak Southern! By the end of the conference, I think I managed a reasonable y'all but New Orleans is two words, and not one. Sorry, y'all. People kept appearing and more and more Ellora's Cave authors appeared. I just sat in my corner watching all these people appear. By that stage introductions were a thing of the past and it was everyone for themselves.

Wednesday morning was filled with anticipation - the conference was due to start this afternoon. At about 10.30 am, various people disappeared down to the Lower Lobby. I put on my detective hat and deduced that they were off to put out promotional items. As no one had their RT name-tags yet, I can only assume they were authors. I was determined to make sure that I did not miss out on anything, so off I went on the first of many trips past the promo tables. Registration was only starting at 2pm, so what were these poor early birds to do, but go and gather promo items. The most useful item that one author had put out, was little plastic bags that you could stuff full of goodies. She definitely deserves a medal. The only problem is that there was no name on the bag, so I cannot thank her! Those little bags were snapped up in an instance. Book flats, bookmarks, pens, buttons and magnets were just some of the things you could get. And then the candies... There were candies attached to the bookmarks. I had just spent time losing that extra padding around the hips, and here were the authors - just trying to put it all back on. The only problem was the little plastic bag was too damn small! Thank goodness for large handbags. Empty out little plastic bag into large cavernous handbag and you have lots more space.

It seemed as though two o'clock would never arrive. Eventually the line started to form and there we stood and stood...and stood. After what seemed eons, I got to the front and got my name tag, huge book bag and little book of tickets. First ticket was for the book room. Free books! Now what booklover can turn down free books? Off I marched, down to the book room. As I walked in, I was handed a book and told that I could choose 6 more books. Oh I was in heaven, but then came the difficult choice. WHAT six should I choose? Should I take the one by Laurell K Hamilton, or that one by someone I had never read, but the story sounded intriguing, and oh yes, there is that one by Angela Knight, and then there are those two by Karen Marie Moning, and the fantasy one…and the historical...and... and...and. What a choice. Finally choice made (I had to check twice to make sure that I really wanted these seven), I walked out. Thank goodness for Harlequin who donated the book bags. What a saviour they turned out to be!

There was just time to race upstairs, and get cleaned up for the Devilish Dot and Sire Don's hour of fun and the Ellora's Cave party which followed. I was talking to some of the people that helped Sire Don and Devilish Dot with their displays. Unbeknown to me, Sire Don had picked up a bullwhip and was playing with it. There I was, innocently chatting when I suddenly heard this CRACK! I just about hit the ceiling. I turned around, to find Sire Don, standing about 4 feet away from me, with a huge grin. As he explained, the bullwhip is never, ever used on a submissive. It is all part of the mind games. Well he certainly played with my mind that night.

Then off to the Ellora's Cave party. My god, did the party start! To encourage people to dance, the Ellora's Cavemen all had necklaces. In order to get a necklace, you had to dance with a cover model. Now ladies, that was definitely a huge sacrifice. I mean what woman would turn down a dance with one of those hunks? To add to that, some of the cover models were there in costume. There was one with white angel wings, and white trousers, but the one that really got me looking was the one with the black wings. He had on a teeny tiny loincloth that tied on the side. I was just waiting for the loincloth to jump up while he was dancing. Was he actually wearing ANYTHING underneath that skimpy little loincloth? Alas, I never found out. As none of the cover models were wearing their nametags, I just had to drool without knowing names.

The EC staff were all very noticeable, with their flashing 'Got Sex? We Do' badges. The tables were covered with more chocolate, but now we had chocolate lips and EC coins, and of course, the mandatory goody bags! There were also EC calendars on every table, much to my appreciation. Then there were the lollipops. But these are lollipops with a difference. They are fat-free, zero calorie and definitely health conscious lollipops because they are condom lollipops! Add to this, the glorious display of book bags and baskets on the stage. Everyone's name was placed in a box and the drawings took place every hour. If you were not there, then you lost out on claiming the basket. At midnight, all remaining baskets had to be won. So naturally most people stayed. Clever marketing by the EC team, is all I can say. Finally after all the baskets were won (no I didn't win one), I dragged my weary carcass and sore feet off to bed.

Then the circus really started. The choices - what seminar do I attend, or do I just hang around in the hospitality suite to talk to the authors and win goodies? Do I attend the Readers Wild and Wacky party where we can ask the cover models all sorts of embarrassing questions? Having made my choice, off I went to attend one of the seminars on how to write erotica. Information flowed and it was fun to get an inside glimpse of part of the creative processes of the various authors. A chuckle worthy moment was when the panel leader, Robin Schone, asked the panel if anyone had written a threesome. She was struck speechless when Cheyenne McCray admitted she had written a fivesome. Us knowing readers just snickered.

Luckily on that day, lunch was provided, but unfortunately we got to sit through loads of speeches for this privilege. The luncheon was the RT Reviewers Choice awards, which was the best bit. Congratulations to all the authors, but especially to Angela Knight, who won the Best Erotic Romance category and Jaycee Clark, who won the Best Small Press Romance Category. Then into another room for the Readers Wild and Wacky Party. Oh and did we embarrass those poor cover models! Some were obviously out to garner all the votes they could, others were shy and some were just themselves. (Is it any wonder that the one that seemed the most natural to me, Sean Rao, turned out to be the winner of the Readers Choice at the RT Cover model competition?). Of course, we readers all decided that we needed to see them topless to make sure that they were right cover model material. Off came all the shirts. Hold me back. Luckily no one fainted and ALL the cover models made it through relatively unscathed.

Just enough time for a breather, a quick dash to a nearby restaurant for something other than a burger that cost the same as the national debt and then on to the masquerade ball. On my way out of the restaurant, who did I see sitting at a table but Melani Blazer and her husband. As I walked out, I said 'Hi', only for Melani to grab my arm and instruct me to 'Talk, just talk'. Apparently Mr. Blazer has a fondness for English accents, so I had to talk to this poor man. Luckily I can talk to anyone, so spent a good few minutes discussing who can remember what!

I was a wimp and didn't do the costume thing, but there were lots of people who did. There were five winners who all looked spectacular. Their costumes were exquisite. One of them, an author, Mary Wine, made her own costume from scratch! As usual, once all the eating, judging and book grabbing was over, I decamped to the bar. There I met a bubbly lady - EC editor, Bree St. James. She is just as much fun in person as she is on the loops. We had an interesting discussion about the virtues of Crunchies vs Violet Crumble bars. For the uninitiated, Crunchies and Violet Crumble bars are British and Australian chocolates respectively. They are similar in appearance and taste, except to the experts. Bree is obviously one of them; I am not as I think they taste the same.

The days all seemed to blur into each other, a round about of seminars, hanging out in the hospitality suite, chatting to authors and fellow readers, and getting books, bookmarks, pens, magnets. There were the highlights of course. Meeting the authors, editors and friends from the loops was the best thing about RT. Dakota Cassidy is probably funnier in real life than she is in her books. You cannot help but laugh when you speak to Dakota. Her opinions of the cover models were absolutely spot on. Have a read of her blog to read her insights on these gorgeous guys. My accent and chocolate were big winners! Chocolate (the proper stuff according to Morgan Hawke) was a great hit. I walked around the book fair, exchanging chocolate for signatures. One author, Jaci Burton, reckoned I had a never-ending supply of chocolate as I was always handing it out. Apparently, this had a detrimental effect on her diet - but my chocolate was never refused by said author.

There was also the picture of the authors whose first name is some variant of the initials J.C. - J.C. Wilder, Jaci Burton and Jaycee Clark. J.C. Wilder was an absolute scream. Her detailed description of her trip to RT had me in stitches, with tears rolling down my face. My stomach hurt so much after her detailed recounting of her trip (the details of which I cannot remember!). You have to watch out for that Jaycee Clark. While chatting to her, I grew to recognize that speculative look in her eyes. When I spotted it, I broke off what I was saying, and asked 'I'm gonna see this in a book, right'. Then out came the half grin and 'uh-huh'. I certainly gave her enough food for thought! Every time I saw Lora Leigh, I had to say bastard, as she loved the way I said it. Oh how can I forget! I met the legendary man with the rubber chicken - S. L. Carpenter, and his pervert, sorry, partner in crime, Sahara Kelly. I even got to TOUCH the legendary rubber chicken. I barely escaped with my clothes intact. That rubber chicken is dangerous. Of course, I felt right at home talking to Sahara as she still has her British accent. Scott was ... well Scott. The best thing was that every person I met, whether they were an author, editor or reader, were exactly the same as they were on the loops. I am sure that I am forgetting loads of people that I met. This is not deliberate, but my brain cells took a bit of a beating between the bar and the parties!

Of course the one thing I left out was salivating over the cover models. There were the cover models that took part in the cover model pageant and there were others there as well. For example, the Ellora's Cavemen models - C.J. Hollenbach, Rodney Chatman, Peter DeCicco, - the list just goes on and on. It was great to get pictures of them on the promo items. It became a joke, as I would walk around stroking the badges or bookmarks that featured bare male chests. Well, my theory was it was better to stroke the picture than to go up to a cover model, rip his shirt open and stroke his bare flesh. Maybe some of them would have enjoyed it? I must try it next time.

Saturday dawned. The day of the book fair. I was absolutely amazed at the numbers of people there. All the people attending the conference were let in thirty minutes early, so we made a beeline for the big name authors. In a change from previous years, all the authors were in alphabetical order. This made sure that the small press authors were in with the mass market, but the problem was if you wanted to get to an author who was near the big names, like Lori Foster or Sherrilyn Kenyon. The lines were snaking back for miles it seemed, as were the lines for the cover models. All of them were there, including the winner of the Mr. Romance competition, Andrei Claude from Malta. (See us Europeans triumphed again.) On the opposite side of the ballroom to the cover models was...John de Salvo. Not overly tall, but oh so lickable. I restrained myself, although I did have surreptitiously wipe my mouth after having my photo taken with him. Then, almost as penance for drooling over John, I faced the line to pay for my books. I only spent about 45 minutes waiting, but some people were there for over two hours just waiting to pay for their books. This put a bit of a downer on the day, but fun was had by all. We were all exhausted after the book fair and needed the couple of hours recovery time.

All too soon, it was Sunday and people were leaving to catch flights. Where had all the time gone? Would I possibly never see these friends again? No ways. I can quite honestly say losing THIS virginity was a non-stop roller-coaster ride. I enjoyed every minute and would not trade it for the world. Roll on Daytona!

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